A Letter From the Wilderness

To the person reading this who finds themselves lost in the wilderness right now: I understand you’re currently engulfed in uncertainty and chaos. You might be struggling to see God at work and maintain your faith, but please take a moment to hear me out.

I’m calling this my letter from the wilderness because that’s exactly where I find myself as I write this. Things might seem pretty bleak right now, but I want you to know that I’m with you. This season isn’t going to last forever, even though it feels that way, and we need to hold the line together. We’ve come too far and there’s power in unity.

Table of Contents

• A rough ride home
• Growth really does take place outside of your comfort zone
• Unplugged, but upgraded
• Are we there yet?
• As for my brothers and sisters stuck here with me…
• Hold the line!

A rough ride home

Seeking desperately for answers but unable to speak, I sat on the train this past Sunday and decided to pour my heart out in a letter. Before I knew it, my letter had turned into some kind of prayer, and the more I typed the more conviction I felt to share it with you. A few hours after I wrote it, I ended up having a full on meltdown. It was the only way I could process what I was feeling and release it.

Three months into the tension of transition, my resources had finally run dry, and I couldn’t hold it together anymore. I was desperately waiting on the Lord, but instead of resting in him, I began to spiral. I needed him to move and make a way, but all I could hear was crickets!

I got off the train in a daze, and I’m not even sure how I made it home. All I can remember is trudging up the road, bawling my eyes out, feeling like a complete failure. Earlier in the week, I was charged up and on fire spiritually, reciting scripture and praising with all my heart. Yet there I was four days later, petrified.

I learnt some important lessons that day, but what was most apparent was that despite how far I’ve come in my walk with the Lord, I clearly still have some trust issues. If you’re in the same boat, please don’t beat yourself up about it. We’ve been through a lot and the healing process takes time. Just admit it and give it to the Lord because he’s desperate to clean you up and heal your wounds.

Anyways, by the time I managed to get myself home I crashed and burned. I emptied the entire contents of my bag all over the floor in a huff and just went into one. The praying, fasting, warring, interceding, petitioning, praising and worshipping had finally taken its toll on me. I went from feeling on top of the world to completely collapsing. As I cried and let it all out, the Lord didn’t appear to be speaking, but in such a raw and messy moment of distress he was there with me. He gave me permission to scream, but proceeded to flood the room with his presence and help me get back on my feet again.

Growth really does take place outside of your comfort zone

I know God is good, we all do, but sometimes walking with the Lord gets tricky. From time to time he leads us down paths where it’s impossible to see what’s right in front of you. The roads aren’t always filled with sunshine and rainbows. Often, they’re narrow, suffocating, and bleak – that’s been my path since April. Right now, I’m on my knees, shattered and stretched beyond belief.

Fighting in the spirit isn’t just spiritually draining; it also depletes your physical energy and emotional capacity. When you’re in the thick of it, it can be exhausting on every level. However, the wilderness often fosters a deeper sense of intimacy, humbles you, and offers opportunities for character development, spiritual discipline, and growth. These experiences have a lasting impact and prepare you for everything that lies ahead…but only if you’re prepared to surrender and endure the process.

If we’re never tested, we will never know our true capabilities. We need this refining process to shed our old selves and become more like Christ. I know you’re exhausted and barely holding on, but the wilderness always serves a purpose, and we have to embrace it, whether we like it or not. The Lord wants to use us, but He never sets us up to fail. To him, preparation is essential and must come first. That’s why we’re here and why we need to keep going. I can’t afford to throw in the towel, and neither can you!

I share all of this to remind you that we’re only human. We all have our limitations and our weaknesses, and this is exactly why we need God. It’s unrealistic for us to think that we can hold it together and remain courageous 24/7.

We are in a very real and complex spiritual battle with an enemy who fights dirty, so don’t feel guilty if your faith starts to fail and deep down you just want to give up. I understand and I’m with you, but one thing I’ve learned is that sometimes this is exactly where we need to be. Getting knocked down is part of the journey, but you need to get back up and remember who you are. You are more than a conqueror and will never be defeated because, with God on your side, you’re on the winning team!

You’re probably sick of hearing this (truth be told I am too), but He really does have great plans for us and no matter how scary things get, we can’t lose sight of that. Now are you ready to embark on an emotional journey with me? If so, buckle up and get comfy, and make sure you stay to the end because I want to pray for you!

As I pour my heart out to you today, I pray that you will bless the individuals who stumble upon this post, and grace them with your presence and peace. I ask that you also humble me and help me express what I’m about to share in a polite, respectful manner that’s heartfelt and true.

I didn’t think that faith and fear were supposed to co-exist, but the longer I find myself wandering through the wilderness, the more I realise that the combination of the two seem to be a standard part of the Christian lifestyle.

This season has been the most challenging I’ve ever experienced, and I’ve never felt so uncomfortable in my life. I’ve laid down my job, career, finances, and identity, and everything else you’ve requested to date. I feel naked, exposed, lost and vulnerable and while I know there is a purpose to all of this, trying to remain faithful is becoming more and more difficult.

My ego has been demolished, the spiritual warfare has me feeling battered and bruised, and while the end feels like it’s near, it doesn’t appear to be in sight. My legs are heavy, knees are wobbly and my mind keeps thinking the worst, despite how much I try to focus on you. I’m on tenterhooks anxiously waiting for you to make a move. If there’s more for me to endure, then I really need you to keep carrying me through.

Unplugged, but upgraded

In this season I feel like I’ve been unplugged and disconnected. It’s as if you’re taking me apart bit by bit to clean and restore me and as uncomfortable as this has been, I can already feel the difference. Thank you for shattering the barriers in my mind and heart that were straining our relationship. I’m sorry I ever placed these before you, but for a long time I thought they were protecting me. They became a significant part of my identity, but that’s not who I am anymore. Every burden and false identity I’d inherited over the years you’ve wiped away, and you’ve replaced my heavy yoke with your own.

You could have left me to rot or allowed me to take on battles I had no chance of winning, but you didn’t. Instead you’ve given me the chance to heal, regroup, clean house and refocus. You’ve lightened the load and upgraded me. That’s real love and I appreciate it.

You’ve also exposed idols and pride I never knew I had. Looking back, I see how they silently kept me bound and hindered my commitment to you. It’s bittersweet because I feel renewed yet lost, needing to discover who I am without the excess baggage I’ve carried for so long. I pray that you’ll not only help me establish my new identity, but that you’ll also give me the boldness to walk in it.

However, while I wholeheartedly appreciate your grace and mercy, I’m struggling to hold onto your promises and believe that you’ll do what you say because nothing seems to be happening. I know who you are, I read your word and understand what it says, but the reality I’m facing just doesn’t make sense. I’m desperately trying to get right before you and obey your commands, but it feels like no matter what I do, I’m still falling short.

Lord as you continue to unravel me, please forgive me and restore my strength because the truth hurts and the conviction that’s coming to light as you continue to reveal my flaws and areas of development is intense. The enemy is having a field day at my expense and it’s tiring. Give me a second to catch my breath, please.

Are we there yet?

My current situation isn’t sustainable and that terrifies me. Everyday I wake up desperate for breakthrough and I’m becoming deflated and disappointed as time continues to pass. I know your word says that with with you Lord a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day (2 Peter 3:8) but right now that’s providing no comfort.

Deep down I know you are an on time God and that you’re working behind the scenes, but it really doesn’t feel like it. I’m lonely and struggling to hold on. I don’t want to sit here complaining or resisting you, but the uncertainty is blinding. Help me reach a place where I can rest in the assurance that you’ve got this, because the anticipation of what’s to come no longer excites me or fills me with hope.

I don’t want to tap out but honestly, at this point I’m discouraged and overwhelmed by the words of knowledge, visions and dreams that you’ve given me. I look back through my notes, pondering over the things you’ve revealed to me in the secret place but it makes my mind wonder, and my face turn away from you as I catch myself getting lost in the details. Help me Lord for I have no intention of getting ensnared in a fantasy trap again.

Did I really hear from you, or have I got this all totally wrong? Were those images I saw just a figure of my imagination or my dreams even prophetic? I don’t want to be a skeptic, but I can feel myself spiralling, and it’s making me doubt the gifts that you’ve given me and my ability to hear your voice clearly.

What is it that you’re trying to teach me here in what feels like the trenches? I can’t carry these thoughts for much longer. I need you. Assist me and manage my expectations. I know a day will come where this will make perfect sense, but how much longer will I have to wait?

As for my brothers and sisters stuck here with me…

Lord I pray for everyone one of your children stuck in the wilderness season with me right now, no matter where they are or what stage they’re at in their journey. Work on our hearts and help us to remain faithful. Don’t let us fall into temptation, slip or fall because we’re vulnerable and the enemy knows it. Behind every corner he’s lurking with his demonic minions desperately waiting for an open door, and the hypervigilance required to avoid his traps wears us down.

Honour the little we have and help us stay close to you. Strengthen our faith in this process of refinement and forgive us for complaining, resisting, and stalling. We repent of our disobedience and the warnings we’ve ignored but this really is difficult.

The process of unlearning and detoxing from this broken world takes time, but as we go through the motions and continue to face our realities, I pray that you will help us maintain faith like Abraham. Don’t let us waiver in unbelief, get stuck in the mud or manipulate your hand. Let us not be led astray either.

It says in Isaiah 43:2 that as you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze, so please don’t let us come out of this season smelling like smoke. Lord, you are the God that prolonged a day to deliver your people. You parted the Red Sea to ensure that they reached safety. Please do that for us and empower us to withstand the trials and endure in this season. Let us come out of this unrecognisable, and as living witnesses of your power, might and glory.

The right way isn’t always easy but as we proceed and continue to endure this season of wilderness, I pray that you will help us pursue the standard you’ve set for us and keep us focused on you and your word.

I thank you in advance for all that you have done, all that you are doing and everything that is yet to come. You are the great I am, and no matter how emotional and exhausted we become, don’t let us lose sight of that. Lord, we surrender. Let us decrease so you can increase for your word says that your power is made perfect in our weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9). Let your will be done, as painful as that may be. We’ve stepped out of the boat, now we need you to keep us afloat.

Amen.

Hold the line!

I love you guys but I know this was super emotional so I’m going to leave it there for today. This season will either be the making or the breaking of you depending on how you react to it but I hope that this post has brought you some comfort, encouragement and truth so that you can embrace it and let the Lord use it for your good and his glory.

Stay armoured up, and keep pushing. Our breakthrough is coming and the Lord is with us so stand firm and hold the line because the kingdom of heaven needs you, I need you and the victory is ours in Jesus name!

Until next time,

Liv x