7 tips to overcome dress stress

I almost feel silly saying this out loud, but I’ve been suffering from dress stress and it’s exhausting. Who knew that the simple task of trying on clothes could be so triggering?

Table of Contents

• How it started
• Turns out dress stress is a real thing!
• Here’s what I discovered…
• The bane of my life
• Words cut deeper than knives
• 7 tips to help you overcome dress stress
• You got this!

In case the term “dress stress” has you a little confused, I use it to refer to the type of stress people experience when they change or try on clothes. I know it may sound silly, and I am aware that there are way more pressing issues at hand, but hear me out…

Dress stress has been a very real issue for me and out of all my posts, I think this might be my most vulnerable to date but I believe that what I’m about to share is going to set someone free. It’s a long post though, so I suggest that you grab a coffee and get comfortable because we’re about to go on a bit of a journey!

How it started

While I’ve come a long way in terms of my health and fitness, I’ve still had a bit of a love-hate relationship with my body and have done since I can remember. Back in June, I attended my first-ever black-tie event and while it ended up being a great night, finding an outfit beforehand sent me into a downward spiral that I spent weeks trying to recover from.

Now technically, this all started back in May. However, I’m a person that is big on quality over quantity and I’m also very intentional. I refuse to spend hours of my time creating content, especially such raw, vulnerable content if I don’t believe in my heart that doing so will help you or add any value to your life. So, I took my time with this one because I wanted to make sure I approached this the right way.

It’s no secret, I’m a low-maintenance girl. Natural and simplistic is my vibe, and I feel prettiest with no makeup on in my tracksuits or gym wear. It makes me feel good because it took me a while to get here, and I recognise that it’s a struggle for many women. However, I’d be lying if I said I didn’t enjoy making a bit of an effort occasionally, turning some heads in the process…who doesn’t?

This event was my chance to have a rare red-carpet moment. After weeks of searching, I found the perfect dress, tried it on and fell in love with it! It made me feel a way I hadn’t felt in a long time… glamorous! For a second, I didn’t even recognise myself.

But that was the problem…I didn’t recognise the person standing in front of me and refused to believe it was me. I quickly found myself tearing the dress apart, ripping my body to shreds in the process. Familia, I had a full-on meltdown and was doing everything I could to convince myself that it looked awful and talk myself out of wearing it.  

The saddest thing is, this is something I was doing every time I put clothes on, but at that moment it was as if it all sort of clicked and suddenly I realised what I was doing. It broke my heart if I’m honest because I knew deep down that I shouldn’t be speaking over my body like this and I just snapped.

I don’t know why but in my rage and frustration I decided to upload a few irritated stories on my Instagram about what had happened. I genuinely didn’t know what to expect and it wasn’t a plea for sympathy. I just felt like I needed to vent and get it off my chest and make sure that I wasn’t losing the plot!

I was also mindful that the main aim of this blog is to empower and encourage others by sharing real-life experiences, the good, the bad and the ugly. So if that’s the goal then I need to practice what I preach right?

Turns out dress stress is a real thing!

I was somewhat surprised at the amount of people who responded saying that dress stress and the triggering episodes that follow were things they were dealing with too. We see people sharing their body transformation or weight loss journeys and the challenges that come with it all the time, but for some reason, this part of the story is rarely mentioned.

I wish someone had warned me at the beginning of my weight loss journey that I would have to spend more of my time reprogramming my mind, than working out at the gym.

I was ready for the challenges of developing self-control and discipline, and I knew that weight training would push me to my limits. I’m not trying to throw shade, I’m just saying a heads-up from someone, anyone about this leg of the journey would have been helpful.

After receiving responses from several people, I couldn’t ignore my feelings or their words. I was familiar with most of the people who contacted me, and they were all stunning. It was hard to believe that they felt this way about themselves.

I kept asking myself why they couldn’t see their beauty, and why I couldn’t see mine.

Let’s just say that this episode of dress stress combined with everyone’s responses bothered me. So, I took a second to reflect and felt prompted to try and understand the root of my behaviour so that I could finally break free from this toxic habit and stop torturing myself.

Here’s what I discovered…

I was the kid who would always be positioned in the back rows of my school pictures. While I may not have been the tallest kid at school, I was one of them. Some kids randomly shoot up and have growth spurts, but I can safely say that I’ve been a member of tall gang pretty much my whole life and wherever I go, whatever I do, I’m always one of the tallest females in the room.

I try to embrace my height now, but back then I absolutely hated it. It made me feel so unfeminine and I stuck out like a sore thumb.

Unfortunately, when I was approaching puberty, I also got quite chubby but had no idea why because I was one of the most active kids you’d come across. I loved sports and tried my hand at all of them. I didn’t sleep in and was always playing outside because that’s what kids from my generation did.

My mum used to get quite upset about my weight as a kid because she never overfed me or my brother or let us eat junk unless it was in moderation but somehow, I was still big. We never had fizzy drinks in the house or fruit juices, and she rarely left us with anyone else, so it wasn’t like people were sneaking us snacks behind her back either.

She always felt sorry for me, but I think she also felt that my weight was a negative reflection on her parenting and it genuinely wasn’t her fault. One thing I love about my mum though is that she is bold and will speak her mind whenever she needs to. She doesn’t take other people’s crap and is always ready to put people in their place for talking out of turn which is what she did whenever anyone had anything to say about my weight. She always had my back #realone!

At the age of about 12-13, I started walking to and from school every day which was a 3-mile round trip. No matter the weather, a group of us would all meet and do the walk together. It did help me lose some of the weight, but I was still chubby, and it just didn’t make sense.

The bane of my life

That was until I turned 19 and my GP diagnosed me with Polycystic Ovary Syndrome – a set of hormonal symptoms related to a hormonal imbalance that can affect women and girls of reproductive age.

The symptoms of PCOS vary but the most common are irregular periods, acne, increased facial and body hair, abnormal growths in the ovaries, infertility and issues with insulin resistance and metabolism. I have experienced almost all these symptoms except for hair loss.

There is no cure for it, they just try to manage the symptoms, but my God is a God who heals, and I will continue to pray for full healing from this condition for as long as it takes because I’m expectant and refuse to live with it for the rest of my life.

I learnt how to get the PCOS under control in my mid-twenties but from time to time, it still likes to flare up; let’s just say it’s not fun.

Unfortunately, kids are not always kind, and neither are our families. As you can imagine being tall and chubby led to a lot of criticism that involved people making comments that did nothing but shatter my confidence and self-esteem.

I remember being called fat regularly, being called a sumo wrestler, and being told that I’m ugly and need to stop eating so much. Members of my family also told my parents, in front of me on many occasions that I needed to go on a diet which hurt and was humiliating, to say the very least!

I’ve been called a giraffe, a giant and told not to wear heels. Apparently, I’m tall enough already and it will turn men off because it’s unattractive. I wouldn’t mind but I’m 5 foot 9 which isn’t even that tall!

But I think out of everything anyone has ever said to me, my personal favourite was being told by one of the school bullies that I look like Ms Trunchbull when I was 12, in front of my whole class. Lord, forgive me for saying this, but I don’t know what made me angrier: the fact that he said it in front of everyone or the fact that he dared to say it in the first place. Let’s just say he wasn’t exactly an oil painting either!

Words cut deeper than knives

The point is, someone has always had something negative to say about me and my appearance. Remember that phrase we were all taught as kids ‘Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me’? This is by far the biggest lie we were ever told because I don’t care what anyone says…words cut deeper than knives.

Proverbs 18:21 tells us that ‘The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit.’ This means that words can only do one of two things – speak life or they speak death. They speak harm or help heal and I really do believe that, because some of the words and insults people have said to me have hurt more than any physical pain I’ve felt in my life. At my big age, I still remember the horrible comments and insults I endured as a kid and I have to work so hard to convince myself that those words have no roots in my life because they stayed with me even after all this time, giving me multiple complexes that I’m still trying to recover from.

At my slimmest, I lost around 3 stone and I’ve spent thousands of pounds on laser hair removal, supplements, vitamins, and natural remedies to try and get my dream figure and look my best. My skin is also the clearest it has ever been, but the scarring that hormonal acne has left behind isn’t pleasant and I’m still battling unwanted body hair that has significantly reduced but is still difficult to control.

Not a single part of my body transformation or weight loss journey has been achieved without a fight but I must confess…even though I was desperate to achieve key milestones, when I eventually did I wasn’t satisfied. I still didn’t see myself as slim or beautiful.

You see when we get triggered by trying on clothes and experience dress stress, it’s just a symptom of a deeper issue. It isn’t about our weight or even our bodies at all. It’s deeper than that.

No matter how much weight we lose or gain, what clothes we wear, how healthy we feel, or what milestones we achieve – unless we know who we are and learn to love that person, our faults and all we will never be happy.

It’s a difficult pill to swallow isn’t it?

I’ve tried so hard the past few years to love myself and my body more – some days I can be my biggest cheerleader other days I’ll be my harshest critic. But during this distressing time, I learnt two things that I’ve been trying my best to execute everyday.

• That the negative perceptions I’ve developed about myself being too tall, being fat, being unattractive and good for nothing are all absolute lies and I DO NOT have to align with them.

• Although I may not be where I want to be physically, I can still find joy in the process of becoming.

I’m proud to announce that despite the meltdown, I wore the red dress (and slayed), but today I want to help others break free from the torment and vicious cycle of dress stress because I’m moving away from this dark place and plan on taking as many people as possible with me!

WARNING: If you decide to join me on this journey, you better buckle up and sit tight because it’s about to be a bumpy ride!

7 tips to help you overcome dress stress

#1 Stand on God’s word!

In the book of Matthew the Lord literally tells us that dress stress is a complete waste of time. Ok, he might not use those exact words, but we can lean on this scripture which brings peace and comfort to our souls by reminding us that there is so much more to life than worrying about our clothes!

In Chapter 6:25-34 we read: “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life? And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labour or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendour was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.”

Next time you feel dress stress trying to rear it’s head, open your Bible, turn to Matthew 6:25-34 and stand on these verses! I know that applying this is easier said than done, but the more you read and meditate on these verse, the more you will start to believe it!

#2 Dig deeper: Try to identify where your dress stress is coming from and why you’re getting so triggered.

When I said that this would be a difficult process, I meant it.

As I mentioned earlier, being triggered by trying on clothes and experiencing dress stress are just symptoms of a deeper issue. If you don’t figure out where these insecurities are coming from and why are you so unsatisfied with your physical appearance, then it’s going to be pretty difficult for you to tackle this issue.

When I said that trying on those outfits led me into a downward spiral mentally, I wasn’t lying. The whole thing rocked me, and I know it doesn’t sound like a big deal and that people have way more serious issues to deal with but for a minute that whole experience completely shattered my confidence and self-esteem.

Forcing myself to sit with it, dig deep and identify where it all came from meant revisiting painful parts of my past which was equally as unpleasant. I thought I’d moved past all of this, forgiven people and moved on…boy, I was so wrong.

Sitting with the feeling of being triggered is never easy but it’s so worth it because you learn so much in this uncomfortable, turbulent place. Here we are three months later and my whole outlook on my body and physical appearance has completely shifted.

Great things never come from your comfort zone.

Read that again.

You need to identify the root cause of this issue before you do anything else, so go and figure it out!

#3 Focus on what you need, not what you want.

Now you’ve had a chance to dig deep and figure out what’s really going on, don’t just focus on chasing after the dream body you want. Instead, try and focus on what you need to help you achieve it.

What you need is more important than what you want. Trust me, chasing after the body alone will leave you feeling incredibly unfulfilled.

Most of us have body goals that we want to achieve and there’s nothing wrong with that. But over the years I’ve spent so much time chasing after mine, that I ended up becoming disheartened and frustrated. What did I end up doing with all this frustration? Of course, I took it out on my body which made me dislike it even more.

I would stand in front of the mirror and pick away at every imperfection until it brought me to tears, then wonder why I’d get so overwhelmed by dress stress and so triggered simply from trying on clothes. It’s a vicious cycle and all it did was lead me to believe that my dream physique would never be possible. But as I went down the rabbit hole of trying to figure out where this all stems from, I realised something.

I don’t need my dream body. What I need is a healthy body that I love and appreciate.

My boss always used to say, ‘If you look after your body, it will look after you’. The older I get the more I appreciate that statement. Don’t get me wrong I still have my body goals, but I’ve accepted that what I need at this time is a better understanding of nutrition, to improve my relationship with food and increase my self-control and discipline.

It’s a mindset shift and your body goals will feel more achievable if you start focusing on the steps you need to take to get there instead of just obsessing over the desired result. Having an end goal is necessary, but there’s way more to it than that.  

Focusing on your needs is a form of self-love that will help everything else fall into place. It’s way more fulfilling than torturing yourself about your current physique or obsessing over one you don’t currently have.

#4 Be kind to yourself!

Thoughts become things, and words carry a lot of power. If you think negatively about yourself, you speak negatively about yourself and believe those negative thoughts. So today I’m asking you to make a choice, and that choice is to be kind to yourself and cut yourself some slack.

I have to be honest, this is something that I still find quite challenging. For a long time, I couldn’t accept or receive compliments, or love and no, it’s not because I’m British lol. It’s because I couldn’t accept the fact that the lovely things people said to me were true, nor could I believe that I was worthy to be loved.

I’m going to say it straight – having negative thoughts about yourself, talking to or about yourself negatively, playing down your strengths and achievements and rejecting compliments is not modest. It’s toxic! Whenever you think or say something negative about yourself, it validates any self-doubt you’re already battling and fuels the lies you already believe about yourself, or that others have spoken over you.

If this is a real challenge for you then write down a list of affirmations and make a conscious effort to not just speak to them over yourself, but to believe them, every single day. Not sure where to start? Go on Google or look through pages on platforms like Pinterest or Instagram for some inspiration.

Oh, and if you have something horrible to say about yourself, I suggest you try your hardest to resist saying it. If you’re serious about building yourself up, then you’re going to have to keep your mouth shut sometimes and make a habit of rejecting every negative thought that enters your mind.

#5 Celebrate the wins – no matter how big or small they may be.

It’s so easy to get so wrapped up in chasing the goal that you become quick to forget how far you’ve already come or overlook your achievements. Familia, a win is a win no matter how small or big it is.

Sometimes just getting through the day without eating biscuits is a huge win for me, because I love them so much and the lack of self-control that I have with food at times can be quite shocking.

If you decide to commit to defeating dress stress and eradicating these triggering episodes then I encourage you to celebrate EVERYTHING you’ve achieved or overcome, no matter how big or small they may be.

They are ALL significant and are ALL part of the journey. Stopping to appreciate them makes you feel good and will motivate you to keep going, especially on the more challenging days that make you question if it’s all worth it.

#6 Trust the opinions of your nearest and dearest.

When you suffer from dress stress, confiding in the people you love and trust can really help. They love and care about you too much to let you leave the house looking like a fool and will tell you the truth, even if it’s uncomfortable.

My mum physically cannot lie and is blunt at the best of times. While it can sting a little, it’s always with done good intentions. If she thinks something doesn’t look good on me, it’s probably because it doesn’t. So if she gives an outfit her seal of approval then that means it must look good, very good!

If you knew how I used to dress back in the day! My goodness. I would always wear dark, super baggy clothes which I’ve come to realise had the opposite effect of the look I was going for. Instead of hiding everything, it made me look even bigger and was not flattering at all!

I’ve learnt to accept my mum’s opinion over time and try to trust her even when I’m unsure because I know deep down, she will never let me leave the house looking a state. It’s difficult because I don’t live with her anymore but if I’m not sure about an outfit or starting to feel discouraged, I FaceTime her and give her a little show. Or if I have the time, I go and show her the outfits in person.

Even though I still have my doubts, I’ve tried my hardest to step out in faith and believe her anyway and it’s something that has really helped me. Once you step out and give yourself a second to adjust, you realise that you’re totally fine and it gives you the courage to keep going.

#7 Get some help.

Whether you seek therapy, hire a personal trainer or a fitness and nutrition coach, read some self-help books or watch useful videos shared by trusted sources on YouTube – it’s important to acknowledge that this is an issue and seek help where possible.

I’m not suggesting this because I don’t think you’re capable of figuring it out on your own. I’m suggesting it because I know how difficult it is. Please understand that it’s not healthy to hate yourself or torture yourself in any type of way.

Put your ego to the side, admit that this is something you are struggling with and get people to come alongside you who can help you figure it out. I don’t care what anyone else has told you…you deserve to be happy!

You got this!

I must admit, I have found some comfort in knowing that other people have similar experiences with dress stress, but it also breaks my heart to hear their stories because none of us should feel this way and we don’t have to. We were ALL created in God’s image and there is so much better for us.

Learning to love and appreciate yourself as well as your body is a messy, painful, difficult journey but it leads to a lot of fulfilment, joy, and most importantly peace!

Now I warned you that this post would get deep and take you on a journey, but I do hope that it has blessed you in some way. My prayer for everyone reading this today is that you develop the courage to defeat dress stress once and for all, see an end to the triggering episodes and begin to see yourself the way that God sees you…beautiful!

I love you so much, thank you for paying me a visit. I hope you have an incredible day!

Liv x